Ken · Motherfucking · Bray

i dont know why i realized this today but, after everything thats happened and everything that was said. I just want to start over, i want my best friend back, the only person ive ever fully trusted. the person i could rely on, the person that would have done anything for me. I swear if i could turn back the hands of time i would have done it already and made things right. i would have trusted you, i would have listened, i wouldnt have had a big head i wouldnt have even cared about myspace and stupid fan girls and i would have just let everything associated with band shit roll off my back. I would have played less shows. Now i realize whats important in life, the people you care for and the people that are brave enough to care for you too. i hate that i have this void that you used to fill, i tried replacing you with other people, friends... aquaintences or even people with the same name, it will never be the same. So its time for me to show you that im worth your time. its time to show some back bone and make some sacrifices, I will never let you down again, i appreciate everything that you ever did for me, everything you ever said to me, all the times you were there and im ashamed that i wasnt the foundation that you deserved. but they say everything happens for a reason, i was supposed to learn all of this. i just wish it wasn't at the expense of what heart i had left. I just want my best friend back....

today i feel more depressed then i ever have in my entire life, i feel like no one believes in me, im loosing faith in myself, nothing that ive been working so hard for is working out, LOVE, CAREER, HAPPYNESS, i just really want to see a change soon because obviously i cant make any changes myself, i just want to end it

i think i can pull this off, and if i do im going to be one of the happiest people in my entire life, ive wanted someone like this for a long time, but i must be patient and careful, i dont really want to mess this up. things have been set into motion, and now i must play the game of push and pull to get this as far as ide like it to be, lol why does it always start here, this time i didnt rush myself....

so everything is going pretty well, rockford was fun as hell and i ate at a place called perkins for the first time. after that we drove about 7 hours up to minnesota and it was amazing up there. We played a show in burnsville to about 300 kids and then went to this party on the campus of university of minnesota where im pretty sure i met my dream girl, probably the prettiest and coolest girl ive had the chance to spend some time with. sucks she lives in minnesota tho, then we played in minneapolis which was alright and just hungout wiht john, we just got into kansas city missouri last night around 12am its pretty cool here but i woke up to a iguana biting carlys hand cause the people we are staying with let it just roam around their house lol but yea ill keep you all updated on whats up

so the van needed to get repaired about a week ago, i couldnt move it because of the fucking scary ass noises that it was making so i had it towed to our mechanic, apparently the water pump needed to be replaced, the thermostat, needed a new belt, coolant flush, and oil change for it to be ready on tour and the total was about 614 so that sucked, but we played a really fun show this past saturday and were able to make enough for teh repairs whew. so were ready for the road, i missed being on tour soo much and im soo excited to go back, expect random ass youtube videos to be posted hahaha. in other news, mr. mark rose of spitalfield messaged us to do an acoustic performance wiht him on june 30th very excited about that and were having a special visitor to our show at the beat kitchen on june 15th, good things are happening which is nice, i hope things stay this way and get better. i pray every day. i also got a new pizza deliver job that kicks old towns ass and im probably never going back to old town lol but yea thats whats goin on with me lately. peace

so yea i basically got a tattoo on cinco de mayo and im loving it alot heres what it looks like

in other news things are going pretty well, i had to work all weekend which wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, i have a new lady, but i dunno im kinda interested to see wehre that goes, and my band posted a new song on myspace, you should check it out www.myspace.com/chimeratwilight

more soon, till then me and ralph are going to play nfl blitz 2000

my grandma worked in a video store and my friend sold super smash brothers for n64 for 3.20 what a fucking idiot, snoop dog was my uncle and there was a mini snoop dog who worked behind the counter, and all that mini snoop dog kept saying was just wait till tomorrow itll come tomorrow, i hope your fucking right mini snoop dog. oh and the shittiest thing to wake up to has to be a credit card company saying you owe them money, especially when you think its someone else calling

so the show on saturday went well journal we played pretty well minus a few errors, if your interested in watching it check it out on www.myspace.com/chimeratwilight. recording is all finished and it came out great, and apparently someone was watching us at the show saturday, i suppose now we just play the waiting game and see what happens eh? women are very confusing creatures

well everyone who still reads this if there are any of you left out there, ken bray has been quite the busy man lately, right now im updating from my woman studies class, my teacher is a feminist bitch who hates me because im one of three guys in a 30 person class, anyways school has been very interesting, my e business class is awesome and my anthropology class is amazing but my woman studies classa nd poetry class are not my cup of tea and i believe my grades will reflect that.

things with the band have been going famously, were back on our feet, and moving faster than ever. We got our summer tour all booked up except for two dates but were going out for a whole 2 weeks in june! We just finished recording a 3 song demo wtih matt opal (he actually just recorded spitalfields last album, better than knowing where you are) ive never been so happy wtih recordings in my entire life, it was worth every penny that we spent on it. Yesterday i went to a certain labels office and dropped off the presskit that they asked for, im very nervous to see what they think, its scary to think that a few peoples opinions can change my life into the one that i have dreamed of and worked so hard for the past four years, they are coming tow atch us on saturday so that should be a fun show, were playing with as cities burn.

on to the women

lately things have been very interesting, i did some shady shit recently that i regret, but i think im having a great time being single while trying to find the type of girl that im looking for, but on the other hand im very anxious to find love if it even exists anymore, i want a girl that can make me feel like i feel when i play music, more alive and free then i ever have in my entire life

ill write in this alot more often

ken

its great to wake up to have to talk on the phone to financial services at school and basically find out your credit is going to be ruined because if it isnt paid by the start of the semester tehy send my file to a collections agency and that i cant register until they have a cleared check and theres nothing i can do about it FUCK YOU